GOL?

by Azmi Sharom

I really can’t stand Shah Alam. I really, really can’t stand Shah Alam.

Initially it was because of the sheer banality of the place. It is full of great big roads and great big roundabouts connecting places with no discernible personality. It is easy to get lost in this monochrome monstrosity of a town. Then came the cow head protest.

When a group of Shah Alam residents, led by some UMNO linked goons brought a cow head to the Selangor State Government offices to protest the building of a Hindu temple in their housing area, my dislike for Shah Alam grew to outright loathing.

To protest against the building of a house of worship other than your own, is bigotry plain and simple. And to use a holy symbol of that other religion in such a desecrating manner is grotesque.

Thus it was with great glee that I drove to the spanking new i-City in Shah Alam to watch the Japan vs Cameroon game. How interesting it would be to participate in the World Cup experience in a town I dislike so much.

i-City itself is a surreally kitsch place devised during the reign of Khir Toyo. It is meant to be a working place in the day time and at night an open space where Shah Alam folk can gather for fun; buying stall food and knick knacks while admiring the coloured lights of fake electric trees imported at the cost of millions from China.

Actually kitsch is too small a word for it. The place is uber kitsch.

I arrived a few minutes before kickoff ready to sneer at Shah Alam’s sad attempt at providing some sort of fun in the lives of their denizens. This is after all a town where there are no cinemas because Khir Toyo, that most pious of men declared such things to be immoral.

Ah Khir, a man so pure and good that he can afford a multi-million dollar Balinese style mansion on his meagre pay as Menteri Besar. The manna must have come from heaven to reward such an incorruptible soul. A man so saintly that he only goes to theme parks around the world with his family, not to enjoy themselves, but to “study” how other countries entertain the masses.

The lessons have been put to good use, because we now have i-City!

And there were plenty of people there. Families mainly, wondering around. Some were watching the game, which was for the most part an affair as dull as Shah Alam itself. The first half saw a lot of huffing and puffing with very little excitement. So boring was the game that the camera man at one point resorted to filming a little sparrow on the field. I kid you not.

The Japanese scored five minutes before the half-time whistle via a nice Matsui cross, a lovely first touch by their man Honda (hee hee – he’s named after a motorbike) and poor Cameroonian defending. The second half was a lot better though with the Lions playing with a lot more aggressive intent. Assou “what have you done with your hair lad” -Ekotto was all over the park, Eto’o showed glimpses of his brilliance and Mbia was dreadfully unlucky when his sweet long range shot hit the bar.

It was Cameroon all the way in that second half and Japan at last showed some of that fighting spirit their nation is supposed to be famed for. Their players, despite looking like the latest androgynous J-Boy Band, defended well against the bigger and stronger opponents and even made a few forays into the opposing side forcing the keeper to make a couple of saves. Not a classic by any means but a game fitting that most classic of clichés, “It was a game of two ‘alves”.

And so was my experience of Shah Alam by night. By the end of the game, I had warmed a little to the town. Yes, it is still a colourless, conservative little backwater. Yes, i-City is still tacky. But the people around me were just folk having a good time with their families. Everyone I spoke to, and everyone who spoke to me was polite and helpful. It was all in all a pleasant evening.

Which means that either the folk of Shah Alam are by and large decent people with some real pillocks amongst them. Or they have a Jekyll and Hyde persona which I just did not see. It would be nice if it is the former.

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